LEAP!

Doggone it.  I’ve done it again.  Another year (a slight bit longer, actually) since my last blog post.  How exactly does that happen?

As John Lennon once said, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans”.  And so it is.

So…where was I?  Last I left this little blog, I talked about committing to making a leap.  That is a state that we can be in, almost perpetually, it seems.  The commitment and re-commitment to deciding to make something happen.  Perhaps in the year since my last blog post, you’ve committed yourself to something?  Sure you have.   Even if it’s just doing the laundry.  And if you haven’t, there’s always tomorrow.

Today, I’m talking about leaping.  The actual thing.  Now, we all know that there can be small leaps and big leaps, but really, I’d prefer not to categorize, and certainly not to rate.  Because all leaps are still leaps, and all are worth thinking about and potentially making.

I’ve made big leaps that led to little.  And I’ve made small leaps that have landed me in a new place of learning, of being, of embracing and becoming more of my essence. Even when that means being vulnerable, and possibly feeling heartache because of it.

Oh yes. Heartache.

Brene Brown, who you have most likely heard of (and if you haven’t, leave this post right now. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Just go directly to TED and watch her talks on vulnerability and shame…), discovered that the more vulnerable folks allow themselves to be, the more joy they are able to feel.

I am so glad that research has shown this.  Thank you, Dr. Brown.

Because this is how you leap.  You just do.  And you do it, even though it might completely and utterly ruin you.  Which it might.  For a little while, at least.

And what if it does?

I took a big leap a couple of weeks ago. I will keep to myself the content and the reasons, but suffice it to say, I let myself get curious about something.  At first, I hesitated about moving toward it.  In hindsight, I realize I may have been having an intuition about it not being the most powerful choice. But, I wanted to see what would happen, and that desire, born of both an innocent and juicy place was what won out in the end. I went inside myself, examined my reasoning, separated the rational from the emotional and then let the two meld again.  And then, once I committed to the leap, I let myself be taken by the experience, without hesitation, without looking back.  And… it didn’t turn out to be what I thought it was, and it certainly was not what I’d hoped. And yeah, it sucks.  Truly.  And my heart is heavy for the grand failure of the venture.  It’s a feeling no one wants to have, but one I can certainly appreciate.  But, when I ask myself what the most important piece if this is– the risk that I took or the failure, I know that it was the willingness to take the risk. I let myself be vulnerable.  And from that allowing myself to be vulnerable, and now raw and cracked open because of it– yes, I feel pain, but also there is the joy of what it means to fully live.  I could sit here, and I could say, “Geez, if I hadn’t done that thing, I wouldn’t be hurting right now.”  But then there’s the other voice that says, “Yes, but you never would have known what would have come to be if you hadn’t… ”  And well, I am simply too curious a cat not to try it out.   This much I know is true.

I’ll write later (hopefully before another year has passed) on the next step: How to stand behind your decision.  But for now…

Just try it.

Go ahead.

Leap.

Get hurt.

Do it again.

Success.  Hurrah!

Leap again.

FAIL. More hurt.

Oh bla dee.

Do it again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

Besides. What are you here for, anyway?

Be well,